Obviously, if you have read any of my other pieces, my titles speak for their bloody selves! Life after uni is the ghetto and it is upsetting me and my homegirls. Seriously, living in this ghetto has had me in my feelings to the point where I have genuinely have been feeling depressed for months. Yes, that is why I haven’t been able to write since my last post. No, I haven’t been diagnosed but, I also know myself and I haven’t called myself depressed to “hop on a bandwagon” – that’s not cute by the way. Furthermore, if I know and say I am depressed, who are you (unless you are a specialist in that field) to tell me otherwise?
Sidenote: Shout out to everyone who let me know my writing has been missed. I’m gassed and lowkey just very honoured that millennials have actually taken the time out of their days to read my stuff. Cheers.
The Ghetto
The ghetto = post graduate life.
Every day since I resigned from my previous role, I have done about 200 job applications. At least a quarter of these (so 50, quick maths) were serious applications. Serious applications = sitting and writing up 4x250 words answers for why they should employ me.
I promise you, I have received so many rejections. Don’t get me wrong, rejection is completely normal. But really!??? I’m not suitable for 200+ roles? Anyway, I only noticed a real change in my mental because and when these rejections started to feel very personal. Like, a whole me with a Law Degree. I can’t even get a common job at LIDL? LIDL!? *Screams in Cardi B’s voice*: WHAT WAS THE REASON?
I even emailed a company once, asking, “what was the reason?” but, professionally. They basically said that since I didn’t even reach interview stage, they didn’t owe me an explanation. WOW.
Some companies responded with a similar answer even when I failed at interview stage. How poor.
On top of this rejections, I was noticing some employers who would have banners saying they were recruiting during the COVID-19 lockdown and still, you could not even respond and acknowledge my application? Distasteful.
Whoever told you, whether your parents or your teachers, that you would just snap up a job after university are dirty dirty liars. For at least 70% of first year graduates, we are struggling to jump on that ladder. These are my own statistics but, ask your friends. And these made-up statistics doesn’t consider our current Corona Climate so, it’s about 90% really. Some of us are struggling to even get jobs in retail.
Literally, for most of 2020, has been me hoping and dreaming of bagging myself THE JOB.
Honestly, with the career I’m now trying to pursue and knowing what I now know about post university life, you couldn’t pay me to go university. I would have been doing vocational courses to get to my goal. Frankly, I would have at least been comfortable in my goal job, seeking progression.
Depression
You may know I am working in Sainsbury’s. I won’t say more than that.
Do you know how sickening it feels when you open LinkedIn and you’re seeing someone in a position that you’d do anything for? Do you know how depressing it is knowing that you’re literally at level 0, even with your academic accolades. This is where my depression started.
I had too many reminders that I wasn’t achieving any of my career goals.
First and foremost, the rejections broke me, OK!?
Everyday, “Congratulate *John Smith* on his new position at *Big Firm*.” 2 minutes later, I’d receive the 20000threjection. So, no - I will not congratulate John Smith, sorry. I literally had to delete LinkedIn because I didn’t want to become that person.
I had my mum just looking at me.
People at Sainsbury’s letting me know this wasn’t their only income.
People saying, “I’m just going to do my Masters.”
Another rejection.
It was all getting too much for a strong little girl like myself. I constantly felt lost.
Side effects:
- I couldn’t get up for work
- I was crying on the phone to everyone
- I would cry in bed, in front of anyone
- I didn’t want to see my friends
- I didn’t go out with my friends
- I was feeling very *inserts turn around and die meme*
- I didn’t want to write
- I wanted my thoughts to literally swallow me into nothingness, OK!?
Listen. I don’t have any motivation for you. I need motivation. But, I had people around me showing and telling me it is okay. I was very down because I thought I was the only one broke and without a career job but I certainly am not. This is what stared to make me feel better.
So, this post is just to let you know, you’re not alone. For me, knowing that has lightened the feelings of depression dramatically and I hope it will for you too.
Disclaimer:I have another new job but since it isn’t THE JOB, the hunt continues. So, we’re still in this together, hun.
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