Being humbled in Retail!

That title speaks for itself!

Background...

I graduated university, having studied Law. Thought the world was my oyster but, graduation came and graduation went. It does not get more real than that last sentence. I was working at H&M whilst studying so, that’s where I ended up after graduating. I had got a transfer from a Birmingham branch to a Kent branch and, kept thinking to myself, “This should only be for a short while, I have a degree!". (My H&M experience will certainly be documented in another post so, don’t you worry.) For everything that went wrong at work, my response was, "I have a degree." I wasn't going to get into disagreements with colleagues or customers, I was just going to stay on my grind and focus on getting a graduate job.

If I was not already depressed, I was certainly on the edge of depression, whilst I was working at H&M. I'd go from having a good working week then suddenly, it was getting hard for me to get out of bed and into work. Conversations with people, especially with my boyfriend, would always incorporate how much I hated my job. I’d say things like "I'd do ANYTHING," to just get onto the career ladder. God heard that part.

Sidenote: Why does nobody speak about the time from graduation to actually receiving their first job offer. The endless job applications and the automated rejections? The emotional distress you experience from being unemployed? Feeling forced to ’settle’ for a standard job whilst you wait? I have older friends who waited 1+ years until they got their first graduate job post graduation.

When I got my first serious job, post uni, I was so happy. I remember getting the call to this day! I had just walked into my house with my mum, I put my phone on speaker as my interviewer spoke. My reasoning behind this was simple: If she (the interviewer) was calling to tell me that i was unsuccessful, my mum can hear the conversation so, she wouldn't need to ask me questions or have the "better luck next time," conversation. I got the job and I just kept telling the interviewer how grateful I was. I even remember saying, in my head, to God, "Wow, finally! Thank you!" I had been dreaming about the day I would hand in my resignation to H&M and be out!

I walked into H&M feeling like the man! That day was sweet. The real friends that I had made there, knew what it was (S/o Oti, Oma, Shayma - if they ever read this). As for everyone else there — apart from the realest store manager there ever was - bye.

Long story short, that lasted 3 months. I will 100% discuss this further in another post. Just know that manager was impossible to work with. I liked my job as a Maintenance Coordinator, although I knew I didn’t want to do that job, in that company, for a long time. On this particular day, my boyfriend told me to speak to my manager professionally, about how he treated his employees, how he treated me! Before I even saw him that day, he called the office to tell me how “useless” (using that exact word) I was. That’s the straw that broke the camels back. I knew how much he depended on me, and how tenants even praised my ability to get the job done so, I couldn’t even fathom how he could say what he had. I wrote my resignation as he walked into the office, left and never went back.

So I was back home and my mum begged me to go back. She still doesn’t understand how environments, such as the one I was in, can be detrimental to one’s mental health. Why won’t most African parents accept that your happiness is paramount. Your happiness in a job determines how well you perform in your role. I take pride in everything I do - especially what I am getting for. I, therefore, did not want to wait until the point where my performance deteriorates, just so I can get my salary. So that’s why I quit mum.

(Also, s/o to my boyfriend’s mum (Melisa) and aunty (Melo). Their response to the reason I quit is why I love their family. It also gave me the courage to be freely unemployed and transparent._

Staying at home and living life was all fun until my savings began to run low and, my mum became restless on my case. Throughout my unemployment I was applying for jobs. Just as things were looking up, COVID-19 happened. My job offers were/is on hold, and I still was running low financially.

I got a job in Sainsbury’s. I still remember my baby brother saying, “Wow, you’ve downgraded.” But really, my salary sounds like a decent salary when you live at home and have no real responsibility. It’s hard when you have a business plan and the longing to move out of your mum's house. When I broke it down my salary by the hour, for what I did, it can never be worth it. I was putting in more than I was getting out. Isn’t this similar to what the negative/underpayment inequity is all about?

Anyway, for a couple weeks, I had anxiety about being seen in my Sainsbury’s uniform. They say ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ and that began to feel so real. My mates are doing undertaking their masters and others my age have a house, a car, a career. Even if I didn’t think this, my mum would verbalise her thoughts, prompting me to internalise them! Here I am — in Sainsbury’s.

I had missed the mark. I can at least stop eating my savings and actually build it. I no longer have a big gap in my employment. Whilst working, I meditate. I remind myself that I am no better than anyone who has been in retail for 50 years, degree or no degree.

God has a funny way of humbling you. I was screaming, ‘Im not going back to retail’ but, I’m back baby! Hopefully, not for too long.